


A Broken Heart Beats Still

by IcyPanther



Series: Voltron Road Trip: A Fix-It Fic Journey [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron) Angst, Allura (Voltron)-centric, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comforting Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Protective Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25999357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcyPanther/pseuds/IcyPanther
Summary: It was a lie. All of Lotor’s words, his declarations, his love… he had used Allura, he had hurt her, he had betrayed her. And yet… yet here she finds herself, unable to move forward. Because, as shameful, as horrible as it is… she loved him. And a broken heart is not so easy a thing to mend.
Relationships: (one-sided), Allura & Lance (Voltron), Allura/Lance (Voltron), Allura/Lotor (Voltron)
Series: Voltron Road Trip: A Fix-It Fic Journey [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864606
Comments: 26
Kudos: 89





	A Broken Heart Beats Still

**Author's Note:**

> **Timeline notes:** early season seven  
>  **Warning notes:** none

Allura shook out her hand, glaring at the tree that stood before her and now decorated with flecks of her blood. 

The physical pain did nothing to ease the ache inside her. 

Nothing did.

It was a raw, open wound and it pulsed with every breath, at every reminder of how, how _foolish_ she had been, how _in love,_ and how _betrayed_ he had made her feel. 

She hated him.

She’d loved him.

She felt torn in two.

Allura punched the tree again, the light purple bark blurring as hot tears stung her eyes.

She hit it again.

And again.

Why had he done it?

Why had she not seen?

Had it all been an act?

Had he ever even loved her?

He’d said so, but…

But his words were poison.

How could she believe a single one that fell from his lips? Lips that…

She let out a wordless scream of rage and _smashed_ her fist into the tree, bark splintering and wood flying and it did nothing to erase the memory of his lips, soft and gentle, and the way he cupped her cheek, pushed a curl tenderly behind her ear. 

Alaraan, _why?_

Why had he done it?

He, he could have told her. She’d have been horrified and upset but, but if he’d apologized, had said he wanted to do better, to be better, had regretted his actions...

But he hadn’t.

He had said nothing in all their time together of the horrors he was committing on her people, of his agenda, of how he was _using her._

She’d _trusted_ him. 

She’d _loved_ him.

And he’d _hurt_ her.

He’d hurt so many.

And he didn’t regret it at all.

His only regret was that he had been caught. 

Allura let out a low sob, pulling her hand free from the tree’s innards and cradling it to her chest. 

Why had it all gone so wrong?

Why couldn’t…

Why couldn’t Lotor have chosen to love her as she had loved him?

At the very end, when he’d had another chance to stop it, to start over, to _be with her,_ he’d tossed love aside for power. 

He’d tossed her aside. 

If she had not unlocked the power of Oriande would he have even given her a second glance? 

Why had she not once given a second thought to the fact he had not been able to access Oriande’s power, that he had been deemed not worthy by the White Lion? 

She knew.

Because Lotor had made her feel special, had made her feel something she had never truly felt before. And she had been enraptured by it.

By him.

Love had made her blind.

It had kept her attention as Lotor built his empire, as he hurt others in his quest for power. 

It had kept her from seeing the cracks in Shiro that in hindsight were so painfully jagged and torn she should have never missed them.

And it had been what propelled her to assist Lotor, unknowingly giving him more fuel for his weapon, for his plan, without even a second thought or pause when had anyone else asked such of her she would have insisted on knowing more.

Not with Lotor.

She had done anything he asked and then some.

For the good of the universe, he’d always said. To unite their forces.

She had seen it as that some day…

It meant they would be united. Together.

Altean and Galran; Voltron and Empire. 

A bright new future that they would share with the entire universe.

But it was not meant to be.

And the worst part?

That after all Lotor had done, all those he had hurt, all the cruelties he had inflicted…

She missed him.

She…

She still loved him.

And it was _wrong._

She knew none of the others shared her sentiments. How could they? Lotor had had no love for any of them — and she had been blinded to that too and what other cruelties had she missed played out inside her own castle, amongst those she considered her friends? — and his betrayal, while surprising, did not hurt them the way it hurt her.

They had been so kind though, so sensitive, and had not yet discussed Lotor — his betrayal or his… his death — in range of her when they so easily could do so, could tell her how foolish she had been.

Instead all she got were sad, pitying eyes and somehow…

Somehow that was worse than their anger.

They knew she had loved him.

They knew she still did.

Even if the man she had loved had never existed.

Just a dream.

A cruel, cruel dream.

Allura wished she could escape from it.

Time would help, she knew. 

But not yet.

It had already been a movement since then but Allura had not allowed herself to think on him, of him, because if she did then she would crack and right now they could not afford that. They were without a home, without resources, with Shiro still so weak and everyone exhausted and while Allura was no leader, was a princess of nothing… she could not allow herself to stumble now.

Until today.

Until they had landed upon this planet with it’s terrible pale purple trees with branches of white flowers and Allura had wanted to demand they leave right now, that she could not be here with such a memory of him shoved into her face, but they needed to land, to resupply their meager supplies, to see one another after two full quintants of travel. 

She had said nothing but Coran had sent her a small, sad, knowing smile and given her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

Tears she had not planned to ever shed had sprung to her eyes and he’d pulled her into an equally gentle hug, stroking her hair with a tenderness she had not realized how much she had missed.

Had needed.

Go, he’d whispered to her. Take all the time she needed. He would handle things here.

Because Coran knew her. 

And he knew she needed that order, that promise that things would not fall apart as she so much wanted to, if she was not there.

And Allura had practically fled into the trees.

She had not had a destination in mind, had not known what she wanted or needed or what could possibly make her feel better.

Striking the tree had seemed like a good idea at the time — to unleash some of the pain from inside her upon the closest likeness she could find of him — but as she held her hand cradled to her and observed the damage she had wrought upon an innocent tree…

It made her feel worse. 

This was not like her. 

She healed.

She did not hurt. 

The White Lion had proven that aspect of herself to her.

The White Lion that Lotor had led her to.

Allura let out a heavy sigh and lifted her other hand, pressing it to the damaged wood, and _breathed._

She could feel the quintessence — soft and pink and warm and light — fill up her heart, brush against her fingers, and she felt the tree’s _life_ flare beneath her hand as it soaked up the healing touch she offered. 

She wasn’t sure when she’d closed her eyes but when she opened them the tree was whole and unblemished once more.

If only her heart felt the same.

It felt no less cracked than when she had first come out here.

Less broken.

“I am sorry,” she whispered, bowing her head.

She was not entirely sure if it was the tree of the one it represented the words were for.

Perhaps both.

Her eyes stung anew.

She wondered…

She wondered if he had suffered, at the end. 

Had the rip in the universe torn him apart?

Had it…

Had it been peaceful?

Had he felt even a moment of regret then? 

Had he thought of her?

She would never know.

And that was, perhaps, the worst feeling of them all.

Allura let out another sigh, fingers trailing down the healed bark, and she pulled herself away.

She had lingered long enough.

There were no answers to be found here and the solitude she had always once found solace in could not fix this. 

But…

Her steps faltered.

She did not know if she desired company right now either. 

Coran’s, maybe, a quiet understanding and a cup of tea.

Or perhaps Shiro’s… his quiet, measured but always gentle countenance a balm to her soul and one she had not realized how much she had missed and how had she ever not realized then that something was wrong? So many phoebs he had suffered while she was caught up in a fantasy of poisoned honey that passed as smoothly as Lotor’s kisses from his lips.

But this was not something she wished to trouble them with. This was a pain all of her own doing and as such she would bear it. They did not need to suffer her burden atop all of the ones they were already under. 

She would return to camp, she decided, quietly partake in the meal that Hunk said he would make and no matter what meager supplies they may have she knew such a meal would be much welcome, and then retire and hope that tonight her dreams would not be haunted by him.

Her plans were thwarted before she could even make it halfway back to camp.

“Lance, what are you doing here?” the question came out more brusque than she would have liked but of all the people she would have expected to encounter clearly waiting for her he was not the one she would have chosen.

She had not forgotten what the mice had told her of his feelings.

She still did not entirely know how to respond.

She especially did not know right now. 

Her heart was so cracked, her composure hanging by a thread, and she could not take any more pain or she could feel that it would shatter.

He shuffled his feet, not quite meeting her eyes. “Um, Coran sent me.”

Allura’s eyes widened.

What?

Coran?

Why would he…?

“He’s worried,” Lance said quietly. His gaze darted up. “We, we all are. About you. And um,” she could see his cheeks darken even under the growing twilight of the forest, “Keith and Krolia sort of heard you…”

They’d heard her scream.

The fact she had not found herself surrounded by all of them, weapons drawn, was both a relief and mortifying as they would have come to the conclusion she was not in any danger and that meant…

Her scream had been of her own pain.

Her own sorrow.

She felt her own cheeks darken.

But..

But why had Coran sent Lance to check on her? Why had he not come himself? 

Why did it have to be Lance?

“Allura,” Lance met her eyes and unlike the others there was no pity in them. 

Just concern and worry.

“Are… are you okay?”

Her breath caught.

This.

This was why Coran had sent Lance.

Because no matter how he may feel about her…

He was — he _had,_ she realized, never telling her because she had been so _happy_ with Lotor — putting her feelings before his own. 

He cared about _her._

He cared in a way Lotor, who had said he loved her, had wanted everything for her, had shown himself to not.

And so Allura found herself giving a very slow shake of her head, eyes stinging once more. 

“Do you want a hug?”

It was offered without any expectation, any reservation, and with nothing except kindness fueling the reason.

Allura nodded.

Yes.

She would like a hug very much. 

Lance crossed the distance between them and his arms slid carefully, gently around her.

Almost as though he was afraid to hold too tight.

At what she might think.

“Lance,” she whispered. “Please… I require a proper hug.”

And his hold tightened, her chest pulled flush to his, her head coming to land on his shoulder.

And it…

It felt right.

Allura let out a soft sigh, her own arms rising to wrap around his back and hold him tight and just _breathe._

He smelled a mixture of stale sweat and the faintest hint of that warm spice — cinnamon, she’d learned — and she could tell his hair was the slightest bit greasy in a way she knew he must hate but facilities were slim these days, and there were shadows beneath his eyes — he had not been sleeping well either? — and his skin was not quite as luminous as she was used to seeing.

She preferred him this way.

A little rough, a little less polished.

Lotor had always been polished.

He’d always been perfect.

But this…

This felt _real_. 

The sob was breaking free before she could make it stop and then another.

Lance didn’t shush her, didn’t tell her that everything was okay.

He just held her, swaying them both slightly. 

It made her cry harder. 

She should not be crying like this.

She could not stop. 

She did not stop until her eyes were stinging with no tears left to shed and as she loosened her grip on Lance she felt him do the same, stepping back to give her space as she rubbed at her eyes and her nose and—

“Allura! Your hand!”

Allura looked down at her right hand.

She had nearly forgotten she had split the skin atop it on the tree. 

It gave a sudden throb as a painful reminder.

“It, it is nothing,” she said at the same time Lance murmured, “let me see,” and he reacted faster, catching her about the wrist.

Her breath hitched as long fingers gently held her hand, angling it in the faint light they had left and illuminating the scratches and cuts that were superficial over everything.

“Does it hurt?” he asked quietly.

“A little,” she admitted. 

Lance let her hand go and he turned his attention to his gloves, slipping them off over his hands and turning them inside out before tying them together and then gestured for her hand.

Allura mutely held it out as Lance carefully wrapped it up.

She was not entirely sure the point; they were but a few minutes from camp and although medical supplies were low they had water and bandages still. But it would not hurt anything and the gesture was kind so she did not stop him.

Her heart leapt into her throat though as Lance pressed a gentle kiss atop it a moment later.

What was he—?

“That’s what my mamá always does,” Lance said softly, not meeting her eyes and instead staring at the back of her hand, still held gently between his own. “A kiss to make it better.”

Allura’s heart returned somewhat to normal.

It was not a, a declaration.

It was a kindness.

“It does feel better,” Allura murmured and seeing Lance’s head lift up, a lightness to his eyes, nothing but kindness and care…

She felt her own lips pull into a small smile.

It was the first one she had managed in over a movement.

“But you should know,” she continued quietly, and she wasn’t entirely sure why she was telling him this but it felt as right as his hug had, “on Altea a kiss to the hand denotes a promise.”

Lance’s eyes widened even as color stole across his cheeks. “I, I didn’t… that wasn’t…”

“Make me a promise, Lance,” Allura said quietly. 

Please.

Tell her what she needed to hear.

Even if she did not know what that may be.

Just…

Make this ache, this pain in her heart…

Make it stop. 

“Then…” he swallowed. “Then I promise that…” Deep ocean eyes met hers, filled with so many feelings Allura felt dizzy, “that no matter what happens… that no matter who,” his voice caught, “… that no matter where you go… I’ll always be here. For you. In, in whatever way I can be. Because… because you deserve to be happy, Allura. And… and I’ll do anything to make it so. That’s… that’s my promise.”

So much said.

So much unsaid.

Allura’s heart still ached.

But it was not so painful now. 

She shuddered out a breath. 

“And, Allura?” he sounded hesitant but she nodded at him.

She…

She was ready for whatever he might say now.

“He did love you.”

Her breath caught.

That had not been…

“He did?” her voice came out small, far smaller than she’d ever heard herself before. 

“He did,” Lance confirmed and there was no lie, no deceit, no empty platitude. “Lotor, he… he did some pretty horrible things,” and it was the first time anyone had yet said it to her, “but he… he loved you. He cared about you, Allura. That part… that wasn’t a lie.”

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked quietly.

“Because you should know,” Lance said and he gave her hand a squeeze. “He… he was a bad person, Allura. But for you… to you… he was the best version of himself he could be. And there’s no shame in missing him. Or, or loving him.”

Allura brought her other hand up to her mouth to muffle the sobbing gasp.

Lance, of all people…

He understood in a way she hadn’t even been able give voice to.

Allura was faintly aware of her legs giving way — relief and grief warring in equal measure — but she did not hit the ground, Lance catching her about the waist and gently lowering them both the rest of the way down.

She lunged forward then, pressing her face into his chest plate and throwing her arms about his neck and clinging with all she had. 

And there she sobbed even more tears she did not know she had as she finally, finally mourned Lotor. 

His life. His choices.

Their love.

Their… 

Their future.

And when she was finished, when she truly had no more tears left to cry…

She felt whole.

There were still cracks but they were sealed, mended.

Her heart was no longer broken by Lotor’s actions, by his lies and his love.

She was stronger for it.

And she was ready to move forward.

**Author's Note:**

> Request fic of Allura + dealing with aftermath of Lotor's betrayal + comfort and of course I went with Lance ;) to take place in the fix it fic series :) I also admittedly cried writing this xD A little different from my usual fare, but Lance (and Keith) angst has been on a downward spiral over here so hoping maybe a change of pace will be good for me (probably not, but a tired author can hope). If you enjoyed the fic, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below (and the small details make my day!). _**Please, please, please**_ don’t just be a page hit or a kudo or a bookmark. Instead be an engaged, appreciative reader and leave a comment. Thank you so much to those who do. I truly appreciate your support ♥
> 
> 💥 **(Like my works? Want to read even MORE? Visit my[Tumblr, icypantherwrites](https://icypantherwrites.tumblr.com) for details.)💥**  
> 


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